Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
