For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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