not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
