TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
