No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
