My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
