we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize