The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
