It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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