but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
