Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
