I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
