So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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