Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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