One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
