best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
