It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
