i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
