even my farts smell like vagina
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
