The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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