remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
