she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
