***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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