i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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