$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't want my vagina anymore.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
