fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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