i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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