I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
