it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
