he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
