Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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