I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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