Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
