More tranny stories later!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
