i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
