Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
