Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
