My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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