So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
