all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
