I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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