Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
