every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
