The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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