My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the day after is always just damage control
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
COCAINE IS GR8
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
