Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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