Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
