dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
