fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
