Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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