The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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