Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had to cum in my sink.
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