i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
