Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
