i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
