so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
